Dr. Boss Lady
It is the year 2020, and while we have made great strides as a profession to give women a seat at the table (after all, almost half of the dentists today are female!), we as women still feel like we are up against a mountain in terms of leadership of our teams, work-life balance, and our health. Let’s first dive into the leadership of our teams as a female.
Have you ever been called a five-letter word for setting your expectations and then holding a team member accountable to that expectation? Would your male counterpart be called that same word (or a synonym) for doing the same thing? Or, you’ve been up all night taking care of a sick child, only to then have to go into work, exhausted and delirious and not your chipper, smiling self- “What is wrong with Dr. McCann today? She is in a mood!” Would your husband be held to that same standard? The answer is, sadly, most likely not. So how do we as women, handle these stereotypes, and still thrive? I think the first thing we need to do is give ourselves some GRACE.
When I feel like I am carrying the world on my back- running a dental empire, maintaining a household (because let’s be honest, as much as men try to help out, their capacity is pretty limited), and trying to be present and be the best version of myself for everyone else, my husband kindly reminds me that no one else is putting that pressure on me other than MYSELF. We must remember that we are only working up to the expectations we set for ourselves.
Often, our expectations are far above what anyone else has for us. We have an innate need to be the best at everything, but that simply is not possible. We must offer ourselves grace- it is fine that the house is not clean for the dinner party, it is ok that I did not make it to the gym today or this week, and it is ok that I cannot give my all today at the office. When we start to allow ourselves some grace, what we are saying to ourselves is, ‘everything is still going to be ok and I am still amazing even if I can’t give 100% to this today”.
The next thing we can do to help ourselves is to be consistent with our routines, family members, and team members. Routines and schedules are a great way to be productive, cut out wasted time, set expectations for others, and ensure you have time carved in for self-care. Without a routine, you are at the mercy of the day! Very quickly you can get caught up in the latest emergency/drama at the office and lose track of the bigger picture for the day. I plan out my entire week every Sunday, down to the hour. The first thing I schedule in is ‘me time’ (includes the gym because that is very important to me), husband time, and sleep. Everything else gets plugged in around those three things. I then have blocks of time that are available for everything else- interviews, meetings, housework, etc. If something comes up that does not fit into those time blocks, it must wait for the next week. This ensures I run my schedule, my schedule does not run me.
We also must remain consistent in our mood and expectations, as difficult as this is given hormones! If you have high expectations around team performance, you must keep those expectations high every day and hold team members accountable! You cannot let performance slip one day and then attempt to hold the team member accountable the next day. This is how we get called the five-letter word! If your nature is not to be rainbows and sunshine, do not attempt to give rainbows and sunshine. Sure, you will have to sprinkle in positivity and reaffirming phrases to your team, but do not pretend to be something you’re not- it is not sustainable.
Finally, we must communicate with our loved ones and teams so that THEY can give us grace. If you have been up all night taking care of a sick child and you are off your game today, tell your team! Let them know that you had a rough go the night prior and need them to step it up today to help carry you. It is ok to lean on others to help you through the day. Your team will feel empowered! They will want to step up to help you! This is true for your partner. If you are feeling tired and cannot muster up the energy to cook dinner, let your partner know they need to figure out a plan for dinner. Take out maybe? Or maybe you just want to come home, have a glass of wine and take a bath- “honey, you’re on daddy duty tonight.”
These all sound like common sense, but too often, we women pick up the world, put it on our backs, and plow through, never giving ourselves a chance to stop, reflect, and delegate. I hope these suggestions will help you reduce stress and gain control over the day-to-day.
We are women, we are strong, we are enough!
